Tips for Teaching Manners to Preschoolers
How to Help Preschool Aged Children Maintain Proper Decorum
Nov 4, 2008
Preschool aged children are in the process of learning and practicing age-appropriate manners. This includes understanding what behaviors are acceptable in public, proper friendship etiquette, meeting and greeting others, and table manners.
Preschool teachers and daycare providers are called upon to help students maintain proper decorum and manage unacceptable behaviors. In order to manage unacceptable manners in preschoolers, consider the following tips:
Modeling and Positive Reinforcement
Practice, model, and reinforce children’s behaviors. Teachers should model behaviors like using their “indoor” voice. In addition it is important to use an instructional attitude with the preschooler saying, “We don’t say that word here,” or “You may do that at home but here we do it differently.”
Give positive attention to the child’s need. Bad behavior should not receive positive attention. But the attention is to the need. “If a child feels left out and pushes or hits to attempt being included, attention needs to be paid to the desire to play and be included,” says Bonnie Harris author of Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You'll Love to Live With [AdamsMedia, 2008]. Giving negative attention to an inappropriate behavior increases the child’s inner turmoil. Punishment adds insult to injury. Positive attention goes a long way.
Correcting Inappropriate Manners
Be discrete when correcting inappropriate manners. Another skillful way to nip bad behavior with a preschooler is to talk to him or her in private. “Since preschoolers are becoming aware of and concerned with peers’ opinions, they can be easily embarrassed. A wise preschool teacher will confront and correct bad behavior privately, which will lead to more cooperation,” says Brenda Nixon, author of Parenting Power in the Early Years Raising Your Child with Confidence -- Birth to Age Five [Wine Press, 2001].
Help children understand the consequences of their actions. Nixon encourages teachers to allow consequences to teach the child. For example, if a child is hitting, a teacher can step in and say something like, “I cannot allow you to hit. Since you’re hitting, you must move away from these children.” Teacher then moves the child to another part of the room. This consequence teaches the child that inappropriate aggressive behavior results in removal from the group.
Giving children choices is a great strategy in problem solving with preschoolers. Give choices, ask what can be done to make it work for both of them, and allow them to come up with ideas before telling them what to do, suggests Harris.
While many children are continually learning manners in the home, preschool teachers also are instrumental in teaching and reinforcing manners. As children complete preschool, they will learn more about acceptable and unacceptable etiquette.
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