How to Manage Preschool Separation Anxiety
Tips for Coping with Separation Issues in Preschool
Sep 12, 2008
Separation anxiety is a normal developmental stage where children experience anxiety when they are separated from the primary caregiver. Children may cry and cling to parents at drop off time, carry a security item throughout the day, and/or cry at pick up time. Separation anxiety typically peaks between the ages of 12 months and two years.
Managing Separation Anxiety
There are several strategies that may help preschool teachers and daycare providers manage separation anxiety in children.
Classroom Visitation
Visitation assists children and parents with the unknown. Children should be able to meet their teacher and take a tour of the classroom or family daycare to get to know the surroundings. This should be done with the parent and in a relatively short amount of time. Clinical psychologist Dr. Erik Fisher suggests that teachers set the child up with a buddy in order to help the child feel at ease.
Schedules and Rituals
Schedules and rituals help children gain a sense of consistency and reliability. Encourage parents to establish a goodbye ritual and stick to it. Shannon Ayers, assistant research professor at the National Institute for Early Education Research, says that the ritual should be something relatively quick like a special hug/kiss combination, secret handshake, or unique or silly exchange of words (i.e. see you later alligator, in a while crocodile).
Following a schedule is also helpful. The teacher should have the schedule posted in pictures and words for the children so they know what is coming next and can see when their parent will be coming to pick them up. “For instance, if a child knows that after lunch she hears a story, takes a rest, has a snack, plays around the room, sings a song and then her mommy comes it makes it much easier to move through the day,” says Ayers [email interview, August, 2008].
Jennifer Brackett, intervention specialist for Little Sprouts recommends creating daily schedule books for children. “I have on occasion made small daily schedule books for especially anxious children that they can carry with them. This way, they are able to look at the activities they have accomplished and how many activities are left before they go home,” says Brackett.
Respect the Child’s Feelings
Teachers must respect the child’s feelings when he or she is missing the parent. Allow the child these feelings. Teachers should never criticize the child’s feelings or label them as babyish or wrong. Also, bribing the child is not good practice. It is not a good choice to offer a reward or punishment in return for the child’s behavior during separation, says Ayers.
Engage the Child in Activities
Engagement in an activity, project or play scenario is also important for a child struggling with separation anxiety. Childcare providers should work with the child to enter play with other children. Pretend play also works wonders. The child may choose to “phone” her mom or dad on the pretend phone and express his or her feelings.
Comfort the Child
“Give the child a safe place to come if they feel overwhelmed. Let them know it is okay to cry or feel upset, and that often when kids get involved with what the other kids are doing, time will pass more quickly,” says Dr. Fisher.
Books and plays can be soothing to an anxious child. Read comforting stories, such as The Kissing Hand [Tanglewood Press, 2006] by Audrey Penn, to the whole class, small group, or one-on-one.
Collect a Background and History of Separation Issues
Before the first time a parent drops their child off to preschool or daycare it is important to have a conversation with the parent about any history of separation issues. Dr. Fisher suggests creating a questionnaire for parents to complete to figure out what has worked (or not worked) in the past and to determine if there are any patterns that the parent has or has not noticed.
Teachers should find out how long the problem has existed, how many places the child has been left, and how many caretakers they have had. In addition, it is important to know if there have been any recent changes in the child’s life and if any siblings have had similar issues. This will help childcare providers get a better sense of the issue.
Don’t give up! Things may be going along great and then after a month the child may have a day or two when they feel that anxiety all over again. Teachers should reassure the child that the classroom is still a place where they are safe and cared about.
Finally, childcare providers and parents should be consistent in their approach to dealing with separation anxiety. Overall, preschool teachers and daycare providers must provide a sense of warmth and caring while encouraging independence.
