As teachers we come across students who are dealing with the death of a grandparent, a divorce, or other issue. How we relate to children at these times is vital.
In another similar event to the one I detailed in my recent Article, Recovery From Issues, about a year ago I was visiting a classroom that held many of my students from the previous year. The teacher, my friend Melissa Taylor took me aside and explained to me the story of what had just happened in the life of one of my dearest students, Kati.
She had lived with her grandparents for pretty much her whole life, but that previous weekend her birth mother had taken drugs of some nature and had killed herself. Kati loves her grandparents very dearly and has always been made as comfortable and loved as if she were a daughter, but understandably she had a longing to live with her real mom.
Melissa asked me if I would like to talk to her in the hallway and possibly discuss what had happened, which I, of course, consented to do. As we were talking Kati said that her mom had “made a bad choice,” (a phrase we frequently use when children are misbehaving) and was in heaven now. She also told me that she had lots of relatives so that when her grandparents got old and died that they could take care of her. At this point I was ready to say that I would take her home myself right then and there, but I knew that this was not what she was really asking. I assured her that this would never be the case and that we talked about her mom and those still with her that loved her. And then I hugged her. I feel sorry for situations such as the one in New Zealand where for many years childcare providers were not allowed to touch children, to hug them, pick them up, or even brush their hair back. Sometimes there really are no words to say that will make something right, only a hug can transmit that you are there and care.
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